Thoughts about Change, for the Millennium    

by Dee Marx-Kelly, LMFT

Whether you're going with the trend and celebrating the turn of the millennium this year, or siding with the traditionalists and celebrating it next year, you're probably reflecting upon the course of your life. Milestones such as the turn of a century (or even a significant birthday) are passages of life that tend to inspire introspection. We view our lives with more detachment than usual, and even question whether we're on target. This is a good thing, because it does give us the chance to actively assess, and to consciously plan changes. It's an opportunity to address areas where we need to grow or adjust. It's a time to reassess our priorities, and change behaviors to reflect updated goals and values.

While you're considering, you may want to spend some time thinking about what you want to accomplish in life, and to review your values, hopes and dreams.

One way to approach the examination of your values, is to write a list of the 10 (or 15, or 20) most important things in your life, including the things you'd like to accomplish in your lifetime. If you have a hard time doing this, you try "brainstorming" for several minutes, scribbling down a list of anything that comes to mind, under that category of "things that have meaning for me." Then, pare down the list to those items that you believe are truly the most important. Another approach, if you're stuck, is to imagine that you're 80 years old, and looking back on your life. What would you like to have accomplished in that 80 years, and what do you want to be remembered for?

Either way, you'll have generated a list of "the important things" in your life. You may find that you've identified a number of things that surprise you--or you may find very little to surprise you. Either way, after you've completed your list, consider these questions:

As I'm living my life now, how many of these goals am I actually (in the process of) meeting? Check off those you're on target for. Put a minus sign for those you're not.

For the minuses, rate them from the vantage-point of that 85-year-old looking back--if you'd never achieved them, would you feel:

1. some minor sadness or disappointment
2. moderate pain/discomfort
3. considerable pain/shame/sadness

Consider the "a" items: are they really important? Or, are they "should-do's"? You may be able to eliminate them from you list or re-evaluate them.

The point of conscious reassessment is to achieve those things that are truly important, in light of your beliefs and values, so that you derive the greatest satisfaction from your life--as you live it--and arrive at the end of your life without major regrets. Even the adjustment to older age is made easier if you feel that you have lived your life well, and you can look back with a sense of accomplishment and pleasure, rather than regret. A good thought, when motivation lags, or spirits sag, is to remind yourself that you want to live life masterfully--so that you'll have a sense of satisfaction about a life well-lived.