It's the New Year! And you aren’t happy with yourself. Your New Years Resolution is lost somewhere in the Ethernet. You feel sure that the resolve you possessed just a few days ago isn’t gone, but . . .

If you made a New Years Resolution or at least a silent promise to yourself regarding some behavior you wish to change, some attitude you wish to release, or just something you want to focus on more concretely and productively--and now you find yourself struggling--its time to try the Number One Recovery Principle.

The Number One Recovery Principle is quite simple, and it goes like this: You are not alone, so ask for help.

"You are not alone." We live in a world filled with people eager to offer assistance to others. Some of these people we know and some we don’t know. Where do you find people willing to help you? Start by looking to people you know: friends, co-workers, neighbors, or family members. People you don’t know would include professionals who are trained to help others when they are feeling stuck and unable to achieve a goal. These people might be counselors, coaches, psychotherapists, ministers, priests, or shamans.

Professionals can help by offering support, empathic attunement, direction and advice. A professional coach can guide your goal setting, assist in attaining reasonable steps toward the goal, and make phone calls at specific times to offer support and encouragement. Ministers and priests are available for spiritual counseling and advice regarding life choices. Shamans are people trained in the art of holistic healing of the mind and spirit, and they can offer insights and advice.

Perhaps you read the Number One Recovery Principle and said to yourself, "But, I am alone. I feel alone. I have no family. I have no friend I could trust. I could not turn to co-workers, and going to a professional just seems like too much trouble." If this is true for you there are still other people ready to help. If you are struggling with recovery from alcohol, drugs, over eating, bingeing and purging, debting and overspending, gambling, unhealthy relationships and sexual encounters, emotional chaos, or some addictive, compulsive behavior then a 12-Step meeting is just the ticket. 12-Step meetings are free and available almost around the clock. Many of the people who attend 12-Step meetings are very available to offer assistance through phone calls and sponsorship. Typically, a sponsor has several years of sobriety from the drug or behavior, and is of the same gender as the sponsee. The sponsor makes him or herself available for support and advice, and assistance in working the 12-Steps of recovery.

"Ask for help." This may be the hardest part of the Number One Recovery Principle for some people. We live in a culture that prizes the individual over the community. You may believe that asking for help may be viewed as a weakness rather than a strength. You may be unwilling to ask for help because you may appear vulnerable, and being vulnerable in your worldview is dangerous. Whatever you believe about asking for help to reach a goal, getting help makes sense.

Think about it for a minute. Nearly anyone who has ever achieved a goal had some sort of help. Olympic athletes have many helpers; football and soccer players have coaches and teammates; musicians have the orchestra or band to support their pursuit; college students have family, friends, and the institution supporting their goal--the list is endless. Maybe you’re thinking that your goal is small compared to those listed, and asking for help to stay on an eating plan or to help motivate you to take a walk every day seems insignificant. THINK AGAIN! Having a buddy to walk with especially in the beginning may make all the difference in attaining your goal of two miles per day. Attending a meeting with others who are trying to follow specific eating plans would support you when you most want to forget the goal and binge on sugar.

Whatever your goal someone can help. In fact, half the reason for getting the help is for teaching you to ask for the help. Allowing someone else to help us isn’t always easy, but it makes the best sense of all.

Dale Kay Lillak is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and she can be reached at (408) 260-9995, E-mail at Lillak@pacbell.net, or mail her here, by clicking the mailbox link: 

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