New Year's rituals or celebrations are a universal phenomenon, and reflect our interest in new beginnings, opportunities to start over, and having another chance. To some degree, we tend to focus on our errors and mistakes, and "the road not taken". To begin anew gives us the option of closing the door on things gone wrong, to forgive ourselves for our bad choices, our over- or under-estimations, or our poor self-discipline. New Year's resolutions mark our attempts to start again, and do a better job this time around. They are often made with a sense of strong motivation or need to change.

So, if there's a sense of motivation, or longing to change, why do people tend to fail in their resolve, within days, or weeks? As human beings, we tend to be creatures of habits and patterns. Habits and patterns shape our approach to life and to the problems that arise. People's habits and patterns are at play as they come up with resolutions, and this leaves them open to making the same mistakes in formulating their resolutions that they have made in facing the problems they'd like to leave in the past.

Does that mean we're doomed to continue in old self-defeating patterns and habits? Definitely not! With some careful planning, you can outdistance the "ghosts" of the past.

Try out the following ideas for a more successful approach to resolutions:

1. Plan for the long term.

Spend a little time thinking about your long-term goals, and how the resolutions you'd like to make will fit in to your long-term plan. How does your proposed resolution fit into your long-term plan? This may help you to find some of the motivation you'll need to carry through, and can avoid the mistake of global, impossible goals.

For example, many people vow to make Christmas easier next year. "I won't be caught again by the holiday crunch!" Yet, for some, it gets worse--more pressured and harried--every year. Planning for the long term would include looking at past behaviors, and what would need to be different for next year. It might mean beginning to shop for Christmas in July, or it might mean starting gift-making projects even earlier. Long-term planning might mean entering activities on your calendar now, for the month of July, such as "plan Christmas gift budget, and brainstorm gifts."

 

2. Break up bigger goals into a series of steps, or objectives.

Ask yourself, "What is a reasonable first step towards the realization of this goal, and how long will it (pragmatically) take?" If your only exercise has been lifting the remote control, or the workout your fingers get on the keyboard, a goal of being able to run a mile won't happen in a day, or even in a week. The same is true of weight loss…what took a year, or two, or five, or ten to put on won’t come off in a month.

Breaking up goals into manageable steps also helps motivation, as each step is an accomplishment, and can be a triumph. If you don't break goals down into steps or objectives, you may fail to give yourself credit for each success, and thus leave yourself open to discouragement. Failure to credit yourself for incremental successes distorts reality, as it is an exercise in all-or-nothing thinking. It's good for self-esteem (and for a realistic world view) to credit ourselves for all of our appropriate actions, for the steps toward goals, which are indications of new learning and new achievements.

3. When you have identified the first steps, ask yourself, "How would I go about doing this, and how would I know that I've accomplished this step?"

1. greet all family and work members with a "hello" or a smile
2. monitor my body language so that I don't express negatives through rolling my eyes, tone of voice, or groaning or grumbling
3. look back over my behavior each day to see where I met my goal and what I could do differently next time.

1. Consider what else you need to know or do in order to meet your goal.

For example, if your goal is to eat better, you may need to find out about nutrition in order to define (as in the step above) what eating "better" means. If your goal is to get in shape, you may need to make your first step getting a physical to make sure that a new exercise regime is physically OK for you, or what activities are safe for you to begin with. If your goal is to get into healthier financial shape, you will have to decide what the definition of "healthier" is.

You'll notice here that each of these smaller steps, when identified, can contribute to and reinforce your sense of success and motivation, as you achieve them.

2. Think about where you can get help and support for achieving your goals.

Getting help and support can help to maintain your motivation, getting you through the tough times. There are many sources of support.

Online, there are web pages, chat groups or news groups that post information or discussion topics on just about any subject, and many of these are focused on supporting one another. And, of course, offline there are books, consultants, coaches, and counselors.

To give an example of the range of help available I'll use the topic of weight loss:

There are programs such as Jenny Craig where weight loss coaches are employed. There are self-help weight loss groups such as Weight Watchers and 12-step approaches such as Over Eaters Anonymous. For general self-esteem/body image and motivational issues--or for eating disorders--you can see a therapist. If you are unsure about diets per se, or nutrition, you can see a physician or a nutritionist, and there are myriad books available dealing with these topics, web sites devoted to nutrition, consumer reviews of diets, and on-line support groups for dieters.

Similar resources exist for many subject areas.

3. Realize that it's OK to modify a resolution--it's not the same as just "junking it."

Give yourself permission to recognize that changing or altering a resolution to make it more workable and achievable is not the same thing as failing or just giving up. If you've taken the approach of breaking down bigger goals into achievable chunks, then you're probably not engaging in "all-or-nothing thinking."

All-or-nothing thinking will sabotage you, since you'll tend to see any backsliding, or momentary failure as FAILURE. If, instead, you pay attention to any partial success, and any progress toward your goal, you'll be more likely to see momentary failure for what it is…momentary. Then, you can pick up where you left off, and continue on your way to progress.