Not long ago I spoke to a woman on the phone.  She had called to talk about the recent violence in her life.  She and her husband had both been sober for a couple of years, and now he had began to drink again.  With the return of his alcohol abuse came domestic violence.  It seemed important to her that I understand his violence toward her, ". . . only happened when he was drunk."  I listened to her carefully offering support, and never doubting what she had to tell me.  Because of my work in domestic violence, I have had the opportunity to speak to police officers, judges, and probation officers about their observations regarding domestic violence and substance abuse.  What these people tell me appears to follow what most of us believe to be "common sense":  that alcohol, drugs and domestic violence seem to go hand-in-hand.  Yet there appears to be a paradox often missed in our common sense approach to this problem.  If domestic violence and substance use do go hand-in-hand, we cannot explain all the thousands of people who are serious alcoholics and addicts, who have never been violent to a stranger nor a loved one, not to mention the thousands of acts of domestic violence which do not involve alcohol or drug use.

When we are under the influence of any mood altering substance, our inhibitions are lowered.  We tend to say and do things we later regret or even disavow.  Our thinking becomes distorted, and we misunderstand other peoples’ intentions. The idea of consequences can be lost in the here and now. These effects of intoxication have often been mistakenly named as the cause of domestic violence.  However, domestic violence is not a random act committed by a drunk who doesn’t know what he is doing.  Domestic violence is quite selective.  The selected target is usually a wife or girlfriend, not a boss, co-worker, or friend.  The lowering of inhibitions which occurs with intoxication cannot explain the high incidence of domestic violence occurring when someone is under the influence.  Intoxication does, however, increase the level of violence.  According to David Smith, President of the Haight Ashbury Clinic, 50% of all domestic violence which ends in death correlates with alcohol and/or drug use at the time of the assault, with alcohol and methamphetamines being the primary drugs of abuse.  Dr. Smith further states that 95% of these murder victims, are women.  In the past ten years attempts to understand the causes of domestic violence have resulted in an inclusive broad view of this perplexing and dangerous problem.  A set of factors has come to the forefront of our understanding of domestic violence.  These factors include cultural attitudes and beliefs about violence, personal power, intimate relationships, and alcohol.

Most cultures of our world-- and most especially our own-- function on the notion that someone must be in charge. This hierarchy concept appears at all levels of our world: at work we have a boss, our government has a President, the military has its Generals, and traditionally the man was the head of the household.  Paulo Freire, sociologist and teacher, studied this phenomenon extensively in Brazil, and his work was the basis for much of the current trend in thinking about domestic violence in this country.  Power and control enters intimate relationships just as power and control is experienced at work and in our government through the belief someone must be in charge.  Being in charge usually means having the power to make decisions and be in control.  Personal power is a highly motivating force within all humans.  Power is sometimes misused.  When power is misused in an intimate relationship and violence is viewed as the final means of taking control, the physically stronger and more aggressive person rises to the top of the relationship hierarchy.

The misuse of power in a relationship appears in many areas besides physical violence.  Physical violence is often the last route used to exert control.  Domestic violence occurs on a continuum of increasing control tactics. Emotional abuse, economic abuse, intimidation, coercion and using children to retaliate against the other partner are forms of domestic violence.  Sexual abuse (of the adult partner) and violence are common in relationships where power and control are the dominant theme.

Alcohol and power are very connected in our cultural thinking.  Traditionally in our culture, the use of alcohol represents the move from adolescence into adulthood.  With the use of alcohol came a sense of power.  Along with the drive for power and personal beliefs about violence, our society has a tradition of excusing the misbehavior which may occur while intoxicated.  Somehow it just seems easier to understand (not condone) violent behavior by the intoxicated.  We can also blame the violence on some other problem such as the alcohol or drugs.  The hitting, punching, kicking, the broken bones and bruises, while not acceptable, are given a focus outside of the violence.  Another common mistaken belief is that if the batterer stops using and abusing alcohol or drugs, the violence will end.  If we recognize domestic violence as tactics of control which the batterer uses to exert power, then the drug becomes another tactic of intimidation.  It is also important to understand that the batterer is not always the substance abuser.  Women with substance abuse problems are vulnerable targets, and frequently victims of domestic violence.

Because alcoholism and drug addiction can have devastating effects on the individual and on families, any behavior which occurs in tandem has a tendency to be seen as the result of the substance abuse or intoxication. This view has resulted in the neglect of women who arrive in hospital emergency rooms with injuries sustained through domestic violence.  Studies have shown that if a woman is under the influence at the time of an emergency room visit, the injuries are often not accurately assessed.  At every level of potential intervention, her intoxication becomes the problem, not the violence which has been perpetrated upon her.

Understanding the connection between substance abuse and domestic violence is also important so accurate assessment and treatment can be obtained for both the victim and the perpetrator.  For example, family counseling is often part of a typical recovery program, but family counseling where domestic violence has occurred can be dangerous.  Referring to a victim of domestic violence as a co-dependent implies she has taken part in her own victimization.  Victims of domestic violence tend to accept blame for the violence, and the co-dependent label reinforces this tendency.

Exaggerated personal need for power and control and attitudes that violence is an option coupled with a cultural principal of hierarchy rather than consensus can lead to violence in any intimate relationship.  Power in same sex relationships often surfaces with threats to expose the partners’ sexual preference to family and employer as a means of control.  The violence continues with the victim trapped by the violence and the threats of exposure. While domestic violence is vastly under-reported in opposite sex relationships, within same sex relationships even the process of  reporting can be difficult.  The beliefs of the attending police officer regarding same sex relationships may inhibit or prevent an accurate assessment of the violence, often resulting in no arrest or intervention being made.  

Domestic violence continues to be one of the leading causes of injury to women in this country.  It is estimated that at least 50% of all women in the United States will experience at least one incident of domestic violence in her lifetime.  Children from violent homes are neglected and abused at astounding rates.  Alcohol and drug abuse are connected to these incidents of violence at least 50% of the time.  While alcohol or drug use do increase frequency and severity of violent episodes, it is important to remember that it is the internalized beliefs that support the use of power and control over a partner that actually cause the violence.

©1999 Dale Lillak