Managing Stress:  Relaxation, Rejuvenation, and Recreation

Often, people become so busy and so stressed that they stop doing recreational activities, because it seems like adding one more “to do” to the list.  This creates a catch-22, where we eliminate stress reducers from our activities. 

To shortcut this tendency, stop reading, and write a list of 3 to 5 activities that you could do, this week, that would help you relax and/or feel refreshed.  They can be simple, inexpensive, and brief, and or they can be more elaborate.  Write your list before going on.

Once you’ve finished your list, peruse the suggestions below, and try those you like.  Repeat as necessary. 

  Sit down for 15 minutes with a cup of tea (herbal or decaf, decaf coffee, sparkling water, a root beer float, or fresh lemonade) and a book of short stories, poetry, famous quotations, or an inspirational text.  Choose a quiet, comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed.  At work, you might have to go to your car, or outside.  Put your feet up. 

  Lie down on a hard surface (the floor, or a carpet over a hard floor) and allow your body to relax.  Feel the weight of your body sinking into the floorboards.  Close your eyes, and breathe deeply.  Lie still and imagine a soft Spring breeze (or the season you like best)—the air is clean and refreshing, and carries the perfume of your  favorite flower.  As you breathe in, imagine that the life-giving oxygen enters your lungs, and disperses energy into your body, spreading a very gentle warmth outwards, from your center, down to your toes, out to your fingers.  After 5 or 10 minutes, open your eyes just a crack, and close them again.  Then slowly open them when you are ready. 

  At your desk, outside, or in the restroom (if you’re at work)—or wherever you’re comfortable at home—take a minute or two or three to pretend that you’re a cat who has just awakened from a nap, feeling warmed by sunlight through the window, you gently stretch (you know your own physical limitations—do what’s healthy for you), and enjoy the gentle stretching.  Gently shake your arms and legs before you go back to what you were doing.

  Take a bath.  Many of us don’t take baths, as showers are quicker.  But baths have a great potential for relaxing.  You can take a long warm bath for extended relaxation, or you can start with hot water (more stimulating), and let it warm you to the bone.  You may want to do a gentle relaxation in the bath, or gentle underwater stretching.  You can spend 10 minutes, 20 minutes, or even longer. You can become quite elaborate.  Have an herbal tea, iced or hot—there are delicious caffeine-free teas such as strawberry-mango, raspberry and lemon, or decaf teas in traditional flavors.  Soften the lighting, or use candles (aromatherapy candles or incense are nice).  You can play soft music—some new age-type music, such as Enya, can be very relaxing.  Learn to let your mind drift.  Make this a mini-vacation!  If you’ve never tried it before, you might have to do it several times to learn what works best, for you.

  Go to lunch with a truly good friend.  For a real treat, go to high tea (Lisa’s Tea and Treasures tearooms are one of the teashops local to the SF bay area), where you can have crumpets, tiny tea sandwiches, and a miniature dessert, while you drink your favorite tea.

  Get a massage.  If you can’t afford a massage consider trading massages with a friend.

  Go to your favorite church, temple, or synagogue.  Sit quietly—absorb the majesty.  Inhale the energy.  Enjoy.

  Go to a movie.  Pick something fun.  Rent a video.  Old Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton films are hilarious!

  Go for a walk.  Stretch very gently at the outset.  Walk in a safe area you find attractive.  Consider using a Walkman with relaxing or ‘fun’ music—classical, Delta blues, new age, or 50’s/60’s rock.  Walk to relax and rejuvenate, not to burn calories or to “get somewhere.”  Limit the walk to an amount of time you can actually enjoy—actual enjoyment may be a process of learning to relax and be in the moment.

Almost Instant De-stressors:

  Do a quick sequence of tightening and relaxing your muscles [toes and feet, relax…feet and legs, relax…feet, legs and torso, relax…feet, legs, torso, hands & arms, relax…feet, legs, torso, hands & arms, head and neck, relax…] and then gently flop over—go limp in your chair, or with your arms/hands on the table or chair arms.  Take one deep breath—let it out with a sigh—take a second deep breath and imagine sparkly light energy entering your lungs and refreshing you.

  Take a deep breath, gently raising your arms above your head, gently drop your arms as you exhale.  Repeat one more time.  

  Take a deep breath and exhale.  Sitting or standing, reach your hands back over your shoulders and press your fingers into the muscles on top of your shoulders, and then inward, and up the back of your neck.  Finish by giving yourself a 15 second scalp massage, and one more deep breath and exhale.

  Drop your hands to your sides.  Shake them, rag-doll-style, for 15 seconds.  Stand, and do the same thing with your legs (one at a time!). 

  Find a joke or humorous book that really makes you laugh, or research jokes on the Internet.  The original Bloopers books published long before the [awful] TV series, always used to make me laugh.  The Reader’s Digest joke sections are also good for this.  Keep it at your desk.  Take a laugh break when you’re feeling stressed.  Read for a few minutes, until something makes you laugh out loud.  Enjoy the laugh.  Take a deep breath, and let it out, as you let your bottom jaw relax.  This will only work if you really find jokes that tickle your fancy!

Relaxation exercise: 

Choose a place where you won’t be rudely interrupted. Lie down on a comfortable surface, or sit in a recliner. Close your eyes.  Become aware of your breathing.  Follow your breath in and out, gently, paying attention to how it feels as the air enters your nose, throat, and lungs.  Follow that in-and-out process for a few moments.  When you are ready, gently lift one leg and point the toe, feeling the gentle flex of the muscles.  Easily lower your leg, and then lift the other, in the same way.  Again, notice your breathing.  Repeat the same action with each arm, in turn. 

Do a progressive relaxation.  First, tense and hold for a count of two—then relax—your toes; then and toes and feet; then toes, feet, and calves; then toes, feet, and legs; then toes, feet, legs and buttocks; then toes, feet, legs, buttocks and torso; then toes, feet, legs, body, hands & arms; then toes, feet, legs, body, hands & arms, and face (grimace, eye-brows raised). Tighten whole body, and relax.  Become aware of your breathing.  Raise your right arm, and point, reaching out.  Lower the arm.  Repeat with your left arm.  Raise your left leg and point.  Lower the leg. Raise your right leg and point.  Lower the leg.  Become aware of your breathing, and your body.  Gently come back to “now,” and when ready, slowly open your eyes.    

Preplanning and Organizing

One final (and very effective) way to combat stress is to work more effectively to avoid it.  In the planning process, you will again want to refer to the lists you’ve made of your stressors.  If your health has been a concern, be sure that you are taking time to get the best medical attention you can afford.  If you’ve avoided going to the dentist (because you have a dental phobia) enlist someone’s help to get you there, or go to a therapist (to get past the phobia).  These kinds of stressors are needless.  Better to deal with them, so you’ll have more energy to cope with stress you can’t prevent.

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This article is by Dee Marx-Kelly, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Dee welcomes your questions and comments.  Her number in San Jose is (408) 246-3525, or by e-mail at dmk@surfnetusa.com or, click on the mail link: