Are You Ready for Marriage?

This topic is presented in several parts:

  1. What’s love got to do with it?

  2. Essential Skills for Marriage:

Communication

Conflict resolution 

Commitment and Compromise

  1. Your own work

  2. A good basis for marriage

Each article is complete topic, or may be read as the series, "Are You Ready for Marriage?"

 

What’s love got to do with it?  We Americans are romantics.  In the movies, we like to see good overcome evil, and the hero and heroine ride off into the sunset, together. Our love stories tend to take a typical form of boy meets girl, and they encounter difficulties.  The storyline is based on how they resolve the difficulties and then live happily ever after. 

Realistically, love doesn’t conquer all.  Love cannot resolve all problems and difficulties. To have the expectation that it can or will, reinforces two very detrimental ideas: if someone loves me, he or she will change in order to suit me, or, if I love him or her enough, I can bring about those changes. 

Our love for another, our devotion and support can encourage awareness and emotional growth.  However, the growth itself must be undertaken, worked through, and completed by the other person.  Further, he or she must acknowledge, feel, and believe in the need for change in order to grow.  Some changes will be beyond a person’s ability to make.  There are drinkers or drug users who never conquer their addictions, batterers who never learn that real love is lived out in loving behaviors toward the other person, and people with personality disorders or emotional problems who may be unable to resolve or modify them sufficiently to live productively and harmoniously with others.

So the question, “What’s love got to do with it?” can be answered this way:  love is part of the underlying basis for a relationship, but for true happiness in the long run, there must be health and stability as well.

Communication                                       return to home page           

This article is by Dee Marx-Kelly, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Dee welcomes your questions and comments.  Her number in San Jose is (408) 246-3525, or by e-mail at dmk@surfnetusa.com or, click on the mail link:   

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